This is from Teacher's Write: (I forgot to post earlier in July:
Our guest author is Anne Marie Pace, author of the Vampirina series and other picture books, including her latest, BUSY EYED DAY. She joins us today to talk about picture book revision. This is a great lesson to share with kids when you’re talking about word choice.
Your assignment: Use your work-in-progress, or go back to one of your earlier writing exercises from this week. Find a merely serviceable sentence, and rewrite it to make it sing. If you like, share your revision in the comments!
Thanks for this exercise! I have written a legend from the Tongan Islands. It is based off a real legend that Tongans dance to and no one has written it down that I know of. I am going to try and publish it with pictures.
Original: In the scattered islands of Polynesia, there are many legends and myths. These stories are told and retold from grandparent to parent, to child. From the island of Tonga, there is a story about how Tonga received their first King. This story is called Tangaloa, and he is the great God of the Sky.
Revised Version: Far out in the wide sea, there are many scattered islands of Polynesia. One such island is called Tonga, and this story is how Tangaloa, the great God of the Sky became Tonga’s first king many many years ago.
What do you think? Starting a short story can be hard!
What a fascinating idea for a story! I’m curious about how Tangaloa became the first king!
I emailed Katie and this is what she sent back:
I like this:
In the scattered islands of Polynesia, there are many legends and myths. One such island is called Tonga, and this story is how Tangaloa, the great God of the Sky, became Tonga’s first king many many years ago.
Your first sentence from the original really spoke to me.
