https://www.katemessner.com/golden-domes-and-silver-lanterns-learning-from-a-mentor-text/
It’s important to note that when you’re writing verse like this, the rhythm doesn’t have to be exact. An extra unstressed syllable at the beginning of a line isn’t a deal breaker. But the overall pattern still has to be there. It has to work when you read it aloud.
Reading aloud is a great way to find out if your rhyming picture book text is working, but it’s not perfect. Sometimes when we read our own work aloud, we can force a rhythm to sound okay by the way we read it. If you really want to know if the meter is working, don’t just read it yourself. Hand it off to someone else to read aloud for you. Does the verse roll off their tongue in the rhythm you intended? Or do they stumble a little here and there? That will tell you where your meter might still need work.
Now let’s take a look at the rhyme in this book. One of the trickiest things about writing picture books like this one is that it’s not enough to find two words that rhyme. They have to be the right words. And in this case, Hena had the added challenge of working with some very specific language that relates to Muslim traditions and culture – words like Eid, hijab, kufi, Quran, and deen. For some of those, she chose to use related words as her two rhymes:
White is a kufi,
Round and flat.
Grandpa wears
This traditional hat.
On that note, I’ll send you off with a short assignment. Remember last week’s writing about gratitude, using Traci Sorell’s WE ARE GRATEFUL: OSTALIHELIGA as a mentor text? I’m going to ask you to reimagine that idea as a rhyming picture book. Make a list of some of the words you know you’ll want to include – elements of a tradition or culture or season. And then have a go at it, using Hena’s GOLDEN DOMES AND SILVER LANTERNS as a mentor text. You can try the same rhyme scheme if you’d like, or use a different one. When you finish a few lines, read out loud and see how the meter’s working out.
Silly is my laugh,
giggles and hoots.
Dad tickles
after I take off my boot.
Wide and brown
Snake wriggles
with a hissing sound.
Surprised is my face
Open mouth
Pink birthday cake,
Blow candles, sing loud!
Nervous, my stomach
Quiver and shake
Monsters and goblins
Yikes! Am I awake?
Sad are my wet tears
Face is red.
Mom stressed that
it is time for bed.
Embarrassed hot cheeks,
Flushed and pink
Pretty Easter dress
Stained with orange drink.
Curious is brother (sister)
Babbling on
Reaching chubby hands
Bubbles on the lawn.
Love is helping mom
Eager and bright
Toys are put away
Ready for "Good night!"
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